I decided to hold forth in a video in the very real fear us authors feel about imposter syndrome.
I just finished the latest revision of my young adult novel, No Small Thing, and I’ve been thinking about how I handle the imposter syndrome. So many of us face the feeling that somehow, we deluded ourselves into doing this thing, when we really don’t have the talent or the chops. I have four ways to put that BS on the shelf.
Want deets? Listen to the video.
“We’re afraid that our truth isn’t enough–that what we have to offer isn’t enough without the bells and whistles, without editing, and impressing.”
— Brené Brown
I keep yanking at this new line in my face, one that popped about a week ago. Apparently I can Botox things away with a finger. I don’t feel worthy of a mirror, and I sure don’t feel worthy of an author head shot.
Teresa Porter, my fabulous photographer of My Friend Teresa Photography, she’s truly magical. But she’s not God, right? I mean, I’m six years older than these last shots (which were Goddess epic). The woman can only do so much. I am FIFTY. Right?
Between that self-flagellating thought and the brain fog, the searching for my glasses and trying to remember whether I took my Allegra, I sometimes don’t even recognize myself. My young, impatient self back in the day, hating on “slow” and aged people who didn’t match my pace, my needs, my expectations–where the hell is she?
The barrage of self-incriminating questions beats at your self-confidence as you head out on a shoot.
“Nobody told me there’d be days like these…
Strange days indeed — most peculiar, Mama”
— John Lennon
Whenever whatever bit of yourself you found beautiful begins to wane, a woman faces the question, “What am I worth if my body doesn’t ‘work’?” (And if you don’t ask yourself these things, Amazing Lady Reading This, I bow to thee. I feel like I’ve been told by America at Large since I could find a mirror that something was always off. That me as is just isn’t “enough.” Nose too big. Hair too frizzy. Chest too flat. Too tall. Acne, oh, acne. Mark on my front tooth. One eye bigger than the other. And now, wrinkles. Sags. Puffiness. Jowls.)
I know, shut up.
Brené Brown talks about wholeheartedness as the opposite of scarcity. Not abundance. Wholeheartedness.
What if I, instead of seeking an abundance of smooth, tight skin or glow-in-the-dark teeth, I just said, I AM ENOUGH? Gave Lyn As She Is a big ol’ hug?
I guess we’re all Hamiltons at heart, wired to never be satisfied, many of us with immigrant forebears who traded up while they doubled down on the dissatisfaction with their homeland.
But even if we have the power to make new nations, we can’t hate the old stuff. We can’t hate our history. We are our forebears, our childhood, our adulthood, our yesterdays.
“Yester-you, yester-me, yesterday…”
– Stevie Wonder
Did I say I was 50? Which means I’ve earned every fantabulous line on this face?
Teresa’s job is not to tighten my lines or smooth my edges. Her job is not to Kardashian the age off my skin and leave me and the world thinking I’m all of 35. No.
Her job is to make my heart leap from my eyes and shine from my face.
Her job is to catch me at that relaxed moment when the soul takes a breath.
And knowing Teresa, she will.
Ladies, you are worthy. You’ve earned every dent in the skin.
I don’t have to be perfect.
I won’t try so hard.
I won’t worry so much.
I’ll enjoy my photo shoot.
I will embrace this life as is with a whole heart.
This is a Lyn Selfie. Teresa Magic coming soon to a blog near you!
How do you know that a rejection is a sign to keep going? The personalized rejection can give you some hope.
With 113 rejections in this last round of querying, I’ve developed some theories about what constitutes an authentic and individualized response versus a template goodbye.
So what’s a personalized rejection? A personalized rejection
Here are some form responses and some personalized ones.
We’re sorry, but your project is not a fit for our agency at this time, so we will have to pass. Thank you for considering us and best of luck with your future queries.
Though there appears to be a specific reference to the manuscript in this one below, it’s a form response that really doesn’t offer a specific compliment.
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to consider NO SMALL THING. I’m sorry to say that while there was a lot of creativity here, I didn’t connect with the writing in the way that I needed to in order to be the right agent to champion this work. As you know, these decisions are largely subjective and another agent or editor may have an opinion completely different from mine. Thank you again for thinking of me and best of luck with your future queries.
Thank you for reaching out! Your project sounds very cool, but unfortunately doesn’t feel like the right fit for me, as I don’t find myself especially drawn in by sports-themed storylines on the whole.
Thanks for your query. Sorry to say this is a pass for me. I’m particularly un-sporty and find sports-related things difficult to relate to. I’m the wrong agent for this.
“It’s Not You, It’s Me” argument in these two personalized responses can be taken as a go-ahead to look more closely for those agents who are “sporty.” It’s very helpful when you’re racking up rejections and see this glimmer of an indication that maybe it’s not all you. Maybe you need to narrow your focus. For example, in order to find “sporty,” I started looking for agents who had repped nonfiction sports as well as YA)
But ones like these, that are actual light at the end of the tunnel, are even better:
Thanks for reaching out about NO SMALL THING. I love your voice, but I didn’t fall head over heels for the premise on this one, so I have to step aside. I know it’s tough when your agent leaves the business, and I am certain you’ll be snapped up by an agent soon. And please know that I’d be happy to consider any future projects you may have.
This agent not only liked my voice, but she wanted to see anything else I wrote. That is not usually something you hear in form rejections.
Or even the one that comes at the end of an agent reading the full manuscript. (One that got 9 requests for fulls. This manuscript had already been on submission to 11 editors with my second agent.)
Unfortunately, AGENT X cannot offer representation at this time. While you’re clearly a very talented writer, the submission list for NO SMALL THING is fairly extensive and we’re not sure we have the editorial vision to give the book the edge it so richly deserves.
You will see a range of things in this business–agents who submit to over 30 editors, and those who won’t submit to more than 15. Knowing which kind of agent you’ve landed is important if you want your agent to query in multiple rounds several editors before stopping.
This is obviously only one opinion, and we wish you the best of luck!
I have to end with a form rejection that really summed up for me what are the challenges in this industry. As author and writing coach Lisa Cron (Story Genius) recently shared on the Literaticast podcast (with agent Jennifer Laughran) it’s damn difficult—and unfair—how few great books make it through the agent or editor gauntlet.
“97 out of 100 people who sit down to write a first draft don’t make it to the end…3 people out of 100 are going to make that first draft. When you take that 3 percent and winnow that down to the number that do several drafts and really decide to pitch to an editor or an agent…The statistic I’ve heard out there is that 96% of that remaining 2% get rejected….How many really great manuscripts never see the light of day…It’s a crap shoot. It really is a crap shoot.”
If that’s true (and I believe it is, as I shared in my Don’t Despair When Your Agent Leaves the Business confessional), then this form response sums it up from an agent perspective:
Thank you for thinking of me. Unfortunately, I don’t feel that NO SMALL THING is a good fit for my list at this time. Please remember that the decision to represent writing is based on a lot of factors, which are often difficult to qualify. Passion for a project, connection with voice, current workload, market saturation, concept timeliness; all of these are considerations, in addition to the quality of your writing. If you continue to work on your craft, to query widely, and to research your potential agents and intended market, I am confident you will find the right match.
This agent was correct.
I did continue to work on my craft (a new project).
I did continue to query widely.
I did continue to research potential agents and intended market.
And eventually, I did indeed find the right match!
Thanks, Tara, for being “sporty”–and a great team player in this effort to launch NO SMALL THING!
I’m so excited to announce that I am now represented by Tara Gelsomino of One Track Literary Agency!
What a journey! Sigh of Relief + Dance of Joy doesn’t capture the many feelings of landing here after a #neverthelessshepersisted trek in the trenches…and for, yes, the third time. (If you need to hear some of the saga, enjoy this post: Don’t Despair When Your Agent Leaves the Business.)
Here’s how I know Tara will be awesome to work with.
When she wrote me about NO SMALL THING, my YA novel, she said:
“I’m so excited to tell you that I really loved the story. I love Audrey’s fire and competence and confidence (even in very frightening situations). I love the light you’re shining here on the disparity in women’s and men’s teams treatment, and the corruption and unfairness of the NCAA/NBA climb that most people don’t get to witness and don’t really know about. I love the ethics in journalism plot line and how the bitter reality of…deception forges Audrey’s faith in herself. For me, this evoked the big social issues of Angie Thomas’s The Hate You Give with the fan fervor of Friday Night Lights with the additional investigative drive of The Post, Spotlight, or All the President’s Men, which I found to be an exciting and fresh combo.”
When an agent is as much on fire as you are about your story, time to do your dance thing!
And then you should hear what her authors say about her!
“I couldn’t be happier with Tara as my agent. I liked that she had a background as an editor and wanted to be part of the writing process—something I was looking for in an agent. What impressed me the most, however, was that she wasn’t afraid to dream big for me, and it paid off. She was able to get me a three-book preemptive deal…
“What else can I tell you? Tara is a great cheerleader, is available whenever I need her, responds very quickly when I email her, and is full of amazing ideas for marketing and publicity. If you’re looking for an agent that will provide personalized attention, you’ll get it with Tara!”
“If you prefer hands-on, editorial agents, then Tara certainly fits the bill. Her experience as an editor really shows. She’ll brainstorm with clients, and offer detailed comments in drafts, partials, and proposals.”
I heard more stories of deals, right, and support with social media.
Suffice it to say, I am so excited.
My mom says Tara is a good name for me, because I already know some amazing Taras!
More to come later…there are many querying journey stories to tell, and I want to tell them to help so many others who feel they are languishing in the trenches. I have things to say about query stats and why they matter, and about how you get beyond the frustrations of knocking so much on what seems like a barred door.
Time to get to work!
Never, ever, ever give up. You might just have a Tara at the end of a long, dark night!
Happy New Year to the art of letting go. Outcomes, be damned. Full steam ahead with the writing. Big Magic the heck outta your life.
Happy New Year to the art of seeing abundance. While it’s hard to shake off our training to find the flaws and pick the nits, it’s time to see the stars in what can seem some days like vast emptiness.
Happy New Year to the art of choosing friends wisely. Sure, there are very few villains in this life; perhaps like me you can count the number you’ve actually met on half a hand. But the art of living teaches you that there are some folks, who from too much self-love or too little, are here to suck you dry. And you can’t make a life around people like that.
Save the drama for the page.
Happy New Year to the art of breathing through difficulty—if not suffering. As Krishnamurti reportedly once said, “I don’t mind what happens.” Here’s to the art of being easily delighted instead of easily offended, easily impatient, and easily frustrated every day.
I embrace the art of enthusiasm,
the art of enjoyment,
the art of acceptance.
Thank you, Eckhart Tolle, for this message.
Happy New Year to the art of love. Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do. They = all of us.
“…But most of all…I wish you love…” I’m in a Whitney and Dolly kind of mood. Maybe it’s all the ‘80s reminiscing I’ve been doing lately.
Isn’t it a great act of love to convert all the horrors of life into art, into story, into song?
That’s what Greg and I will keep doing in 2019. We will keep seeking, dumpster diving, pearl diving, ruminating, keeping the questions alive and the answers gray and luminescent, ever changing like the inside of an abalone shell. Even if down on the ocean floor we’re seeing a ton of plastic and garbage, or even signs of the coming apocalypse.
My New Year’s wish for all of us is to find the courage for the daily, difficult acts of love.
How do you practice love through your art?